What are Your Family Rules?



Why do you fold clothes in a certain way? Why do you cook potatoes the way you do? And why do you feel comfortable with a certain amount of money in your pocket? Why is there a certain way you do business?

Because you learned these things when you grew up. They are mini-examples of what family rules are. As kids, we learn how the world turns from our parents, grandparents and the rest of the family. Only school will teach us different views. But as school starts fairly late in a child’s development, family rules get first dibs. And they tend to stay with us.

Is that a bad thing?

Not necessarily. I believe we learn many good things in our families. We learn a lot about being decent human beings, about friendship, about parenting and so on. However, we also learn a lot of things that can limit our lives as adults.

And this is where it begins to get interesting.

Because if you find yourself unhappy with your life, when you sabotage yourself on your path to success, when money slips through your fingers – usually that means family rules are hard at work. This is why I go belief hunting with clients, when they complain about being stuck in a life they don’t like.

The sheer number of beliefs that are created by a single family would fill hundreds of pages and more. However, if you want to change your life and overcome whatever is blocking you, it is very useful to hunt down those rules that might be in your way.

Of course, there is a downside, too.

Are you familiar with sentences that start like this: “As long as you put your feet under my table …”? This implies that people have to follow family rules or lose their right to be part of the very same family. Once again, this is something imprinted on us as little kids.

So letting go of a limiting family rule usually comes with considerable anxiety on a subconscious level. It helps to spell out that rule and say it out loud to see how limiting and ridiculous it is. But often it’s still not so easy to banish a specific rule from our lives – because doing so seems to sever our ties to our families.

The bigger truth is, that it doesn’t. It would take much, much more to lose the right to be part of the family you were born to. The trick is to let our subconscious know about this.

Now, for bonus point, I will ask you to uncover a belief or two that you have about food, money or business – something that your mother, father or grandparents always said – and to tell me about it in the comments. And then you can adapt the following tapping round to your personal belief.

I’m keeping this a little general, so everyone who reads this can benefit.

KP: Even though I have learned this rule in my family and I’m afraid of letting it go, I’m okay the way I am and I’m open to the possibility that I will belong to my family even if I give up this belief.

Even though I learned this rule when I was a kid, and I’m only now questioning it, I’m okay the way I am and I’m open to the possibility that it’s just a belief I’m allowed to change.

Even though I learned this rule that’s now limiting me in my life when I was just a kid, I’m okay the way I am and I’m open to the possibility that I can let go of that old rule with no penalty attached.

IE: I learned this rule when I was a kid.
OE: And I never doubted it.
E: After all, my parents always said this.
UN: And parents are always right.
CP: A least in the kid’s mind.
CB: And so I learned this rule and I have believed it.
UA: To this very day.
AW: And it’s only now that I’m taking a close look at this rule.
Take a deep breath!

IE: I can’t believe I believed that!
OE: It’s not a good rule at all.
E: It’s keeping me small.
UN: But I believed it as kid.
CP: And a big part of me still believes it.
CB: Because I want to belong to my family.
UA: And believing this rules is proof that I do.
AW: Because I think like them.
Take a deep breath!

IE: Oh, no! I’m caught in a trap!
OE: This rule sucks.
E: But I don’t want to lose my family.
UN: I want to keep loving them and be loved by them!
CP: But I also want to let go of that rule … because it’s a stupid belief.
CB: I’m just afraid of doing so.
UA: As if I’m betraying my parents and my family.
AW: Even if I want to believe something else.
Take a deep breath!

IE: I no longer want to live by this rule.
OE: But I want to be loved by my family.
E: But maybe I don’t even have to choose between that rule and my family.
UN: Maybe I can do both. Maybe I can let go of the rule and still be a part of my family.
CP: I choose to believe that my family loves me more than a stupid rule.
CB: I choose to let go of the rule and keep loving my family.
UA: I choose to be me, and a full part of my family
AW: And that feels a lot better.
Take a deep breath!

If you still feel a little anxious about letting go of this rule you chose, just run through the tapping round again. And let me reassure you: You will remain part of your family, even if you change your whole belief system. They may not understand you – but in most families you will still be loved.

If you want to learn more about the tapping points and how to do a tapping round, please sign up through the form on the right hand side. You’ll receive my free ebook “Your First Tapping Miracle”, as well as a complimentary subscription to my newsletter.

Image source: F. Moebius

This entry was posted in EFT, Tapping Rounds and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.