Sad boy *
Are you the youngest in bunch of kids? Or do you have an aunt or uncle you adore and who is just a couple of years older than you? And do you always feel like you’ll never be good enough?
Yep, that’s a recipe for feeling like a failure.
Problem is, you’re probably not even aware of it. But if you have this constant, nagging feeling of never going to be good enough, that’s why. As the youngest in the family, you could never catch up with your older siblings or the uncle you adore. And you had no chance at all as little kid.
Just imagine a sister who is six years older.
She started school when you were an infant. She was effortlessly riding a bike when you took your first, stumbling steps. She was dating seriously when you were learning to spell the word fiance. And she finished college and possibly started earning wages before you even graduated.
There was no way you could do better than her. And so you thought that it was your fault. That something was wrong with you and you would always be a loser and not good enough. That you would never belong to her group of friends because you didn’t count.
And it’s totally logical.
Yet it’s also totally wrong. You are like the fish who bases its self-esteem on its ability to climb a tree. You had no chance, because you were comparing yourself and your abilities to the wrong person.
That’s a huge misunderstanding.
But it gets worse. Since you thought you were wrong, useless and un-intelligent, you might have been bad at school, proving your own expectations. Maybe even your family kept voicing this opinion – and you, being a loyal child, worked hard to fulfill it.
And thus you live your life believing you’re a failure and a loser.
You’re wrong.
It’s time to let go of that misunderstanding. Six years, even four years, make a huge difference in child development. Feeling inadequate is not your fault. You just didn’t have any better marker for your abilities. You were always “the little one”. While you can’t change your position in the order of siblings, you can change your belief – and start seeing yourself as the intelligent, capable and loveable person that you are.
So let’s tap.
KP: Even though I learned as child that I’m a failure because I couldn’t be as good as my sister or brother or someone else, I’m okay the way I am and I’m open to the possibility that this is actually a misunderstanding.
Even though I have always believed I should be just as good as my sister and brother, despite the age difference, I’m okay the way I am and open to the possibility that I was simply so much younger at that time.
Even though I have always believed I’m a failure because I could never be as good as my siblings, I’m still okay the way I am and open to the possibility that in reality I’m just as good and intelligent and successful as they are.
IE: I’m just not good enough!
OE: And I never was.
UE: I never was as great as my sister or my brother.
UN: I was never that fast, that great, that intelligent.
CP: And I always believed that was my fault.
CB: I thought that something was wrong with me.
UA: I always thought that I was too slow, too stupid and too small.
AW: I thought that I’m a failure.
Take a deep breath!
IE: And I quite clearly wasn’t as good as my sister or my brother.
OE: I couldn’t run as fast, or write and read as well, or even ride a bike as well as they.
UE: And they were always stronger and faster than I was!
UN: It was so unfair!
CP: And they laughed at me or gave me dirty looks, because I couldn’t keep up with them.
CB: And thus I was always the little one. *sigh*
UA: And even back then, I knew: I’d never be able to change that.
AW: Then came the moment when I gave up trying and just accepted that I’m a failure.
Take a deep breath!
IE: I just didn’t have a chance!
OE: They were faster and stronger because they were that much older than I was.
UE: That was really unfair.
UN: I compared myself with children who were so much older than I was.
CP: Of course, I didn’t have a chance.
CB: But it wasn’t my fault. It was just the age difference.
UA: Maybe I’m not a failure after all.
AW: Maybe it’s normal that a six-year-old can’t run as fast as a 12-year-old.
Take a deep breath!
IE: It’s not my fault at all! Strange. I never looked at it that way.
OE: I now allow myself to see my kid self as completely normal.
UE: I allow myself to see that I’m just as intelligent as my sister or my brother.
UN: I allow myself to realize that I just followed expectations.
CP: I’m allowed to be just as good as my siblings! And I choose to be just as good as they are right now.
CB: I choose to let go of this old misunderstanding!
UA: I choose to know that I am just as smart, intelligent, fast and successful as my sister and brother.
AW: And that feels wonderful!
Take a deep breath!
Be determined. If you still have some of that old feeling, keep tapping. And if you now find memories of experiences that seem to tell you that you’re a failure, tap on them and put them into perspective. Allow yourself to sense how good it feels to be just like them – in your own age and time. And I’d love to read about your experiences in the comments!
(If you don’t know how to tap or are mystified by the abbreviations in the tapping round, fill in the form in the upper right, confirm by clicking the link in the email you’ll receive and get your free guide to EFT called “Your First Tapping Miracle”. You’ll also get a free subscription to my newsletter as additional gift.)
* Image courtesy of Arvind Balaraman / FreeDigitalPhotos.net