The Power of Mindset

I love...

I love …

This is a true story.

Ten days ago, I decided to radically shift my mindset about my books. (I’m writing fiction under a pen name.)

You see, I self-published my first book early in 2013. By now, I have three books out, and one on preorder that’ll be fully published soon. They are beautiful books, thanks to the people who create the graphics for it, and I also think they tell good stories.

But sales were frustrating.

It’s a marketing problem, my coach would say. It’s also a visibility problem – it’s not easy to have a book show up among the hundreds of thousands of genre books on Amazon.

So I resigned myself to minimal sales, checking the sales reports once in a while, and trying not to wince. Sound familiar?

I get coaching sessions for myself. (Every coach should.) And in one of those sessions, the advice that came through was: Just love your books. Forget about sales. Forget about frustration. LOVE your books.

So I gave them a prominent place in my bedroom. I went to sleep thinking loving thoughts and feeling proud of my books. During the day, I would imagine holding and hugging them. It was an experiment, but also something that felt right. Plus I had nothing to lose.

The very next day, I found a new review.

The day after, a sale. The first since Christmas. I kept sending love.

Another sale. Another review. More sales.

These last ten days have been better than the last three months together.

Of course, I have moments of doubt creep in. What if this is just a fluke? What if I’m imagining things? What if it’s just coincidence? And it’s not easy to keep that love flowing when doubt raises its ugly head.

Even so, I’m doing my best to stay in that feeling of love. I use mantras that help. And of course, I use tapping.

And ultimately, it feels much nicer to love my books unconditionally, than to be constantly frustrated about them. It makes my life better – and that alone is worth it.

The woo-woo part of the whole thing goes like this: It makes a fundamental difference whether I send out the energy of frustration or the energy of love, in general and in particular.

The energy of frustration simply gets me more of that. No sales.

The energy of love brings in love. Reader love, reviewer love, maybe even fan love.

Which is why it’s a good idea to choose love, whenever possible. A mindset of love is so crucial to everything we do, be it writing, coaching, cooking or running a business. It changes the whole ball game. It changes lives.

Here’s a bit of tapping to help you shift into a loving mindset.

Even though it feels totally weird to love something that’s frustrating me, I’m totally okay the way I am, and I now choose love over frustration.

Even though I don’t believe all this woo-woo stuff about energy and the universe, I’m okay the way I am, and I’m ready for an experiment.

Even though it feels so natural to be frustrated, and so weird to try and feel love instead, I’m okay the way I am, and I’m choosing to try this out.

As usual, you can shift those sentences around so they really fit you.

Your Turn:
What part of your life could profit from a mindset change? How will you express love for it? Please write a comment, and if possible, report back on the changes.

Image Source: F. Moebius

PS: I’m not updating this blog regulary at the moment, but when I do I am sending out a newsletter to go with it. You can sign up for that in the upper right hand corner – and you’ll be gifted an introduction to EFT.

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What do YOU need?

Question

I have a question.

Today, I don’t  have another tapping blog post for you.

Instead, I’m going to ask a huge favor from you.

Because I love you as my reader and care about you, and want to write about topics that really help you. Topics that can make a difference in your life. I want to help you, not an imaginary reader.

So far, I’ve been following my inspiration and my imagination, and very often my own experiences.

But that’s not you.

And I want to be here for you. You matter.

That’s why I’m asking you:

What topics are weighing heavy on your heart?
What worries make you lose sleep at night?
Where would you want to feel relief most?

Because tapping can do that.

I can do that for you. If I know what you need.

Please write a comment.

And I’ll write a blog post just for you.

Deal?

Image Source: F. Moebius

PS: I’m here to serve you. If you want personal support, click HERE and send me an email. We’ll talk and figure out how I can support you best.

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How Limiting Beliefs Hurt your Bottom Line

Running against a wall

Running against a wall.

Did you know that beliefs you probably learned as kid can influence your bottom line?

No matter if you’re an entrepreneur or not – what you believe deep inside determines your way of life, including how much money you have.

These limiting beliefs are not inherently bad. We created them as kids to keep us safe in this world. We learned them from our parents, our larger family and our friends. They became a part of us.

They are our safety walls.

However, as we created them as kids, they are most likely outdated now that we are adults. That’s where the “limiting” comes in. The safety walls have become too tight.

These walls show up as mental blocks. As fears. Or as stories we tell ourselves about what we can do or not. As the voices in our heads telling us who we should be.

I’m sure you’re all familiar with those.

And everyone of us runs into them almost every day.

The good news is that these limiting beliefs can be easily transformed. I use EFT for this work, and it’s the fastest modality I’ve found.

The first step is to discover the limiting belief.

To hear the voice saying it. To look at at things your parents used to say, or are still saying. The circumstances of your childhood. The dreams you had – and what you learned abou them as kid. Some intense experiences that maybe made you take a vow to avoid any of that happening again.

Once you’re clear on a particular limiting belief, it’s possible to tap it out and transform it. It’s work I do regularly with my clients.

Here’s some tapping to get you started.

Even though I learned as kid how the world works and what I can do and what I cannot do, and this has kept me safe, I’m okay the way I am and I’m now open to the possibility that those old rules no longer work for me.

Even though it’s hard to go against those inner warnings and do things anyway, I’m okay the way I am, and I now give myself permission to grow beyond those childhood rules.

Even though I’m still letting those old safety rules influence my decisions, I’m okay the way I am, and I’m now willing to create new, better rules for my life.

Your turn:
Which are rules that you learned as a kid? And how to they limit you now as adult?

Image source: F. Moebius

PS: In my newsletter, you’ll find full tapping rounds to go with the blog posts. To sign up, just fill in the form on the upper right hand corner.

PPS: I work with many people on transforming their limiting beliefs. If you’re interested in receiving support to shift those walls that hold you back, just click HERE, fill in the email and send it off. We’ll connect through skype to talk about how I can support you best.

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Happiness is a Choice

Happy

Happy

Really?

What if anger, resentment or frustration are running strong? How can I choose happiness instead?

The problem is that most of us never learned how to actually handle emotions or feelings. We were never taught what they really meant. And we were left alone in dealing with the raw feelings running through our hearts and bodies.

Instead, as kids we were just told to stop being angry or sad. And that only taught us to ignore our feelings, or to stuff them away and dissociate.

Choosing happiness includes feeling negative emotions and letting them run through the body and mind and then to let go of them.

Being aware of emotions is important. Anger has a message – something is not aligned with our heart, mind or plans. Sadness has a message – we lost a connection, possibly to our own heart. Fear has a message – we’re entering unknown territiory.

Once those emotions have delivered their message , it’s time to let them go. Continue reading

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Family Law #3 – Give and Take

give and take

Give and take

The third and final rule that governs a family system – and in fact, any systems that have humans in it – is the rule that giving and receiving have to be balanced. Yes, it’s a bit like energetic bookkeeping, except that it is okay to give just a little bit more than you receive.

Very poetically, there is one thing that can never be balanced: Parents giving birth. The gift of life is so huge, it can only be passed on to the next generation. And if you don’t have children, you can still pass it on by helping with other kids, or breathing life into your passion.

Everything else, however, has to be balanced.

Here’s the story of two of my friends to show the results of severe imbalance: They were both university students when they met and fell in love. He decided to get a job to support her until she got her exam. Then, that was the plan, she would support him with her job while he finished his studies. Except that the second part never happened. As soon as she got her exam, she left him, moved far away and founded a family with another man.

How could she do this to him? Continue reading

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Family Law #2 – Order

Family Order

Family Order

The second family law is about order. Everyone has their true place in a family. The mother cannot change places with the father. The youngest sibling cannot trade places with the oldest. They have different places in a family – and different “jobs”.

Just think about how a first child forges the way. It wrestles every inch of freedom from the parents. Often, it also carries some responsibility for the younger ones. This is a special place in a family, one that nobody else takes. Continue reading

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Family Law #1

Family

Family

One of the most basic laws in the family system is about belonging. It simply says that everyone belongs into a family, entering it either by birth, by becoming a parent, or by marriage. Dissolving the ties to a family is basically impossible and only happens when a member causes the death of another family member in a brutal and planned way. (Abortion does not do it, btw.) In short, this means that:

Everyone who becomes part of a family belongs to it forever.

Yes, that means even the dead ones, even the ones that were driven away, even the ones everyone hates. They all contribute to the family dynamics. This can be both painful and a relief. Continue reading

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The Family System

Mobile

Mobile

You’ve probably seen me mention family rules and such for quite a while. Today, I want to give a bit of background about the whole idea of family as system.

Basically, the assumption is that a family has certain dynamics that work beyond the individuals that make it up. It is a system of energy with its own rules that can sometimes affect a family member negatively for the “greater good”, such as keeping a family together. Such a system always works to stabilize itself.

Imagine one of those mobiles that used to be common several decades ago. (That’s why I put a picture of one into this article.) As you can see, the mobile always balances itself out. That’s the whole point of it. The same holds true for a family system.

This is good and bad. Continue reading

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Still Laughing at Trauma?

trauma?

Trauma?

I’m writing this blog because I’m still furious.

You see, some days ago I ran into a discussion on a blog where a traumatizing event was dismissed out of hand by the commentators. They told the person who opened up to her personal trauma to toughen up like everyone else does, and to just go on with her life and career.

Sounds familiar?

That’s what soldiers were told in WWI (and probably much earlier). Shell shock, they called it back then, and experiencing it was a “sign of lack of character”. Even today, soldiers are reluctant to get help for PTSD (post traumatic stress syndrome). They still fear to be seen as weak, as losers, as “sissies”.

The general consensus is that it takes an experience of clear danger to life or personal integrity, including being helpless, to cause PTSD. However, there are several levels of trauma below full-blown PTSD. And it doesn’t take a life-threatening event to cause that kind of trauma. Continue reading

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What if I’m not good enough?

Not good enough

Not good enough.

Throughout our lives, we have been taught to compare ourselves with others, starting in kindergarden at the latest. We compared the pictures we created. We compared our running speeds. We compared grades in school and competed for best of class in college.

We compare earnings, cars and lifestyle as adults. We compare beauty, fitness and weight. We compare everything, and we still do today, most of the time. It’s still our life. We were trained to compete all the time.

And of course, nobody can win all those competitions. Only one can be the best, and the rest are losers. Not good enough. At a bet, there are tons of things you believe you’re not the best in.

I know I’m not the fastest runner, not the best rider, not the biggest marketer, not living in the biggest, most beautiful and cleanest apartment. And that could make me sad, because very clearly there are people who are better at these things.

I’m not a good enough runner, rider, marketer, apartment owner or housekeeper. That’s one conclusion to draw. Many of us draw this conclusion every day.

“I’m just not good enough.” *sigh* Continue reading

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