You’ve probably seen me mention family rules and such for quite a while. Today, I want to give a bit of background about the whole idea of family as system.
Basically, the assumption is that a family has certain dynamics that work beyond the individuals that make it up. It is a system of energy with its own rules that can sometimes affect a family member negatively for the “greater good”, such as keeping a family together. Such a system always works to stabilize itself.
Imagine one of those mobiles that used to be common several decades ago. (That’s why I put a picture of one into this article.) As you can see, the mobile always balances itself out. That’s the whole point of it. The same holds true for a family system.
This is good and bad.
If there is a disturbance in the system, it moves to balance it. Thus it is possible that one member of a family develops an illness or a problem to draw attention away from the fact that the parents’ relationship has deteriorated – keeping the family united in battling the problem. One example for this is bedwetting. I’ve learned to look for a problem elsewhere in the family if a child presents this.
If, on the other hand, a disturbance is removed – let’s say because one family member decided to use EFT to improve a relationship or forgive old slights – the whole system adapts, so that effects are seen even in people who are far away. Numerous stories give evidence for this.
There are many other patterns that originate because of loyalty in a family system. For example, children are always loyal to their parents – both of them. That’s why a divorce is so hard on children if the parents hate each other and put each other down in front of the children. This can even translate into success sabotage, weight gain and many other problems, just to be subconsciously close to an absent parent. On the other hand, such loyalty can be observed in very successful family businesses.
I’m trained to see the patterns in such family system, and I often explain them to my clients. Many Ahas and subsequent change can come from this. I encourage you to think about your family system and look for patterns that stabilize it, and for patterns that might cause problems for you.
Here’s a bit of tapping to help you look at your family system:
Even though I have never, ever thought of a family as a system, I’m okay the way I am, and I now choose to develop an eye for those patterns.
Even though these family systems sound scary and ominous, I’m okay the way I am, and I now choose to see them as something that simply is.
Even though I’m afraid to look at patterns that might hurt me, I’m okay the way I am, and I now choose to know that these patterns can be changed without destroying the family system.
Have you discovered a pattern? Do you wonder if what you have seen can be such a pattern? Post in the comments, and I will reply.
Image source: F. Moebius
PS: Family patterns and family rules are the causes of much self-sabotage on a subconscious level. I can help you discover and transform them, so you can be more successful and live your life with more ease and fun. If you’re interested, click HERE, fill in that email and we’ll discuss how I can support you best.